Since I am over my 20s, I find myself reflecting more often on my life, my emotions, my values, my way of seeing things, that surely isn’t the same as 5 years ago. Somewhat I find more obstacles than before … maybe some I create myself. Have you ever had the feeling you kind of like to torture yourself; like you make everything difficult for yourself? Because there is this word that you kinda don’t want to say, and kinda know that it will create havoc; but you still kinda have to say it, and you still do, and then you kinda regret it. Well, that’s kind of me!
Close people always tell me; “be cautious, don’t just pour your heart out”, and deep down I know that’s the best way to go. But I kind of trust that people have a heart and can actually truly care? I guess I’m still naïve, learning that most often than not people will just disappoint you. However, I still want to believe people aren’t that bad and that maybe, there are people who can still be honest and true? Well, I don’t know.
I am currently on my bed, staring blankly with a green tea in hand, and listening to Snow Patrol, Coldplay and whatever strikes my fancy; whatever makes sense at the moment. Today I kind of had a bad day but, actually, I learned a lot about myself and how to be better, and about the people surrounded with; about the people I talk to every day that affect most of my day, and I came close to some decisions. You know, when you know something is not really right and you’re still trying to pinpoint what that is … maybe I found it, or maybe not – We’ll see.
This is kind of a random post, just like when an artist splatters paint on a blank sheet of paper and creates something unexpectedly – it’s still an expression that could have more meaning than a detailed, structured painting. Understanding yourself can be the most tiring, yet fascinating thing. Only then you can make the necessary changes in your life. CHANGE – that’s a big word! I used to be scared of change, of the unknown; and now I think it’s what I need the most; a change in the decoration of my room? A change of hairstyle? A change of job? A change of the people in my life? The more I’m thinking about it, the more I’m eager for a big change in everything; I almost want to be unrecognizable … but in a good way … in the ‘I don’t want to go back’ way!
What about you? Are you happy in your current state? Don’t get too comfortable – Don’t just settle for everything – Don’t get stuck in the same cycle! It’s time to do something for yourself …